Over the years I have noticed how often clients in my life coaching practice make assumptions rather than being curious. They create all sorts of stories about what might or might not happen, what another person is doing or thinking, if someone is available or not…the list goes on. In the process, they put up endless obstacles, place limitations on their lives and waste a lot of time and energy wondering and worrying, instead of taking action. It can be exhausting. I’ve been guilty of it myself. You?
We all make assumptions, at least from time to time, but how much they run our inner landscape and lives is where we want to pay attention, to be more mindful. In the much acclaimed book, The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz, one of the agreements is Don’t Make Assumptions.
By making assumptions, you may find yourself feeling disconnected from others with that gnawing sense of separation. You likely start procrastinating, feeling stuck, being fearful, worrying. Assumptions take you out of the present moment and into a future that hasn’t happened, and maybe never will. Most times our assumptions take on a negative slant. Rather than assuming the best, we often assume the worst. Take notice if you do that. It could be a default setting of yours from past experiences. It may be from trauma that needs attention and professional support.
Granted, sometimes you may want to stay in that place of assumption because you are afraid of what the outcome might be, and maybe you think you don’t want to know the answer. Yet perhaps, instead of carrying the fear or worry inside, which can eat at you and keep you awake at night, you can begin to allow curiosity to guide you. You can ask questions and become empowered with knowledge instead of assuming. In facing your fears from a place of knowing, you can make informed choices and decisions that best serve you.
GETTING CURIOUS
Try this on: What if you make a conscious effort to stop the stories you are creating in your head, the assumptions you are making, and get curious? How could you change things up by asking for clarification or speaking up about how you are feeling without the assumption of what someone might say in return? Could that create more connection, allowing both of you to feel seen and heard, opening up a space for dialogue?
What if you get curious about a situation and open up to a realm of awesome possibilities? Instead of worrying about what terrible things might happen, you could be open to what wonderful things might occur. How would it be to free up all the pent up energy you are holding in that state of assumption, with better use your time?
It may take courage sometimes, and risking being uncomfortable, but being curious can help keep the assumptions in check and curb being judgmental. You can be ‘over there’ with the other person, encouraging connection and soothing feelings of separation. Curiosity keeps you open to a myriad of possibilities and can open the door for positive change. You may even tap into your intuition more and listen to that inner voice that encourages you to be curious. It allows you to step out of the box you keep yourself in and open the ones in which you are holding others, creating spaciousness in your relationships. And curiosity can keep you humble by reminding you that there is much you don’t know and so much more to learn, allowing room for growth.
I encourage you to start an awareness practice of noticing your assumptions. Maybe jot them down as you do. Start working with the easier ones and attempt to put them aside, stepping into a place of curiosity. Ask questions. Get clarity. You may find yourself pleasantly surprised.
If you want to explore more about this topic or other ways to bring about more well-being in your life, please contact me for a free life coaching consultation.